This journal has become my way out, my place to vent about certain things and people, or just randomly ramble around. I have filtered entries, I have public entries. Why? Because I just need a little piece of my secrets to myself, or to people I trust with them etc. Call me a freak, call me paranoid. I guess I am. So *shrug*
If you wanna read it, comment here, and I might add you =)
Woke up, my eyes aching because I didn't remove my make up. Got up. Felt tired still (we had a birthday party the night before, but returned home at 1 o'clock already :P). Came down the stairs. Hit my head.
Didn't want to go to class. Tried to convince boyfriend to stay home. Boyfriend said Michael Alexander came so that we should have to go. Sighed and went to the lectures. Turned up Michael Alexander is coming tomorrow. -_-
Came back home, feeling extremely pissed off after a one and a half hour of literature and a three hour rant about how children misspronounce the English sounds.
Watched Dollhouse. Heard neighbour yell at other neighbour. Tried to help good neighbor. Get caught inthe fight. Was yelled at by neighbor, whom is a total asshole, that never cleans up, stole my towel, uses our stuff, leaves the heating on, walks around in boxershort all.the.time, watches the same series (FC. De Kampioenen) over and over again, plays loud, stupid music, says it isn't his problem that his music is too loud for us, leaves his stuff in the hallway for months on end, while we've complained about it a lot!
Felt like... throwing him down the stairs. Went back inside. Felt really pissed off. Made Caipirinhias. Felt a little better; Watched Tess of the D'urbervilles. Watched Temptation Island. Laughed at the stupid people. Felt sorry for the naive.
Went to bed. Felt angy. Tried to sleep. ---
Today is a little better though. I did a presentation for History and culture of the Scandinavian countries, and people told me it went well, so yay! Not that it matters, as we don't get grades for it.
This weekend I started an enormous fight at home. When we had to study for our exams in december, we were studying at home. We started studying a week early, so my brothers still had school/work, I thought. But apperantly Niels, my older brother didn't, because it was freezing outside and to cold to work. So everyday he would get up at 11-12, come in to the living room, where me and Tom were studying, turned on his laptop and the TV. -_- Every fucking day I had to tell him he had to watch TV in the other room. He refused most of the time, but eventually I stole the remote and turned of the tv and sometimes he'd go. One time I stole the remote, he kicked me and I hit him. And my hand was all bruised and blue/yellowish for the next few weeks, it was hard for me to write, let alone fill in exams. But anyway. He had to redo his third year of 'beroeps', which is basically the easiest thing you can do in school two times. And then he failed again, so now he's working four times a week and going to school one day.
So he watches TV for entertainment, while we were working our asses off to get grades and pass uni. And my parents took his side. :/ Then when we got our exam results, I had passed all of them, my mum said 'So you didn't piss off Niels for nothing then'. WTF. Can you make it any worse.
Since I'm living in Ghent during the week, I'm only at home on weekends, duh. I return home around 4-5 in the afternoon on Fridays. My parents and brothers run of to the Volleyball at 6. And they mostly have to play/watch on saturdays and sundays as well (because watching my brothers is not enough, no. They watch other matches as well, because it is so fun!), and since my parents are on the board I hardly see them. So basically I come home to an empty house every weekend.
My brother is also acting like I don't really live there anymore. For example, I have this tiny space in the closet for my shoes, but my brothers keep throwing their shoes on there as well. So I told them it was my spot and that they should place their shoes in there spot, which is twice as big. And Niels said 'That's not your decision to make, you don't live here anymore'.
I have told my parents a hundred times that I feel alone in the weekends, and that it bothers me that they're never home. They ignore me. eg I hadn't seen my dad for two weeks, and the first thing he says to me is that I have to clean the table.
So this weekend, me and Tom were watching the Mentalist in the living room, we'd been alone for the whole day. My brothers return home and suddenly we have to make room for Niels, because he wants to watch tv. I told him he should go watch in the other room. My parents tell me that we have to make room for him. So I make a fuss about that I am always the one who has to make sacrifices. I start crying, telling them they're never there anymore. Still they're defending Niels, and then start moaning that I am ungrateful.
I saw the guy entering our English Literature lecture, hurrying to get in just in time. He hurried through the people and jumped over seats until he reached the seat next to a blonde girl I find very strange.
She has short blond hair. She wears glasses. She also wears the strangest clothes.
I figured they were friends. Until I noticed the guy's face being so close to hers when they talked. Until his hand ruffled through her hair and moved her face closer to his. Until they kissed.
I looked around to spot the other girl. The curly blonde one who I thought he was flirting with while writing little notes.
I couldn’t find her in the auditorium. Perhaps she did not come. Perhaps she cannot find the strength to get up in the morning, come to class, feel her heart break when she sees him. Perhaps she doesn’t take this course yet, because she failed so many subjects last year because her mind kept drifting.
Perhaps I’m just imagining fake love-stories. Everyone needs a little drama every once in a while. It keeps life interesting.